Urban Living

Some days I think I should go into advertising. I like coming up with funny short jingles, puns, and I am generally interested in what kind of images/ideas/trends appeal to people. Maybe that is an option if law school does not work out, or maybe just because this town needs some better marketers. Let me just share with you a couple of examples. For those of you who have not heard, Seattle has a new slogan. The Emerald City has been declared outdated, and the city has unveiled a slogan that will capture the spirit of the city--a place where people spend their days hiking and boating and their nights shopping at Nordstroms and eating organic food in chic upscale restaurants. I am sure some one was paid millions of dollars to come up with a word that would capture the feel and spirit of our city, and the best they could do was METRONATURAL, or METRO NATURAL. Are they serious???? First of all, it sounds like a city filled with a bunch of gay hippies. Did they really think it was a good idea to launch a marketing campaign with a phrase that sounds like the adjective for boys who wear Lactose shirts with their collars up, lots of hair gel and get pedicures: metro-sexual? I understand what they were trying to get at, but there are so many better choices: ecourbanism, urbanaturalism, techno-green, cosmonatural! Read the PI article that asks the same question here.

If you think this is an isolated incident, you are mistaken. Seattle is changing very quickly and one of the biggest trends right now is the huge market for condos. This year alone, 4,000 new units are going on the market, and we are not talking about reasonable alternatives to owning in a city with an average home price near a half of a million; 400 square foot studios near downtown are selling for near $200,000. Along with new units sprouting up all over town, many of the older apartment buildings are becoming "condoized." For example, the building across the street from me is in the middle of the process right now, and unfortunately for me, the remodel is considered by almost all residents neighborhood and some local bloggers as one of the ugliest condo projects in all of Seattle. Check out this post on the blog urbnlivn about the project. I love how he describes the question he got,when he was taking pictures of the building if he was doing so because it was so ugly. Although the outside is decidedly ugly, my girlfriend and I went to their open house this weekend and the interiors are actually quite well done, but before one is lulled into the fantasy of chic metronatural living too quickly, it is important to notice that most of what you would be paying for is some new appliances. As a rental property, the building was notorious for having thin walls and outrageous heating bills. Beneath the veneer of new bamboo floors and stainless steel appliances, what you are mostly getting is an old building with single pane windows and old plumbing. One of the biggest outrages is that they are marketing as a two bedroom, a 600 square foot space, where the second bedroom is a murphy bed that folds out of the wall in the living room. They must be delusional if they think they can sell a "two-bedroom" without parking (on capitol hill, which if you know anything has the worst street parking situation on the whole west coast) for $350,000.

If you need further proof that they are delusional, or that there are a lot of suckers in this town, or that the condo market is out of control, you should check out their website. The marketing is right in line with the city's new metronatural theme. I especially like this description of some of the amenities you will enjoy as part of your life at the Vertigo condos: "up on the roof, you'll find a bit of green loveliness known to suburban dwellers as a garden. While the sun reflects off your patent leather boots, check out the city skyline and the Puget Sound." I can't tell if our mockery is intentionally induced as a way to engage our attention. Is is possible that if they were not so obnoxious with their language I would just ignore the building and would not be spending time writing about it. That might be the case, and if true, this would mean it is actually one of the most brilliant marketing schemes presently in operation. Just check out the tag line that is on all of the Vertigo condo posters and flyers: "The city is your game of tag. this is your base." Ha, ha, ha, are they serious? Who thought of that? Is it working? Maybe that "tag line" works in an era when the game of tag is being banned from school playgrounds across the country? One thing is sure, the investors who are marketing the condos are hoping there are enough suckers who place a larger value on image than on quality, because that is most of what they are getting.